good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My vagina is very pro this idea
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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