i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
