So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
