that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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