OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize