My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please come you make the beer taste better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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