whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
