maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
