It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
