He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
