So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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