i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
