four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
