no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
