I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
