oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
