New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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