I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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