its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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