is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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