You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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