You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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