I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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