I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
