Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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