She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
