the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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