speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
