obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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