I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
try to milk me bitch
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