you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
