I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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