I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
