She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
