Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
