I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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