about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
