she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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