Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize