i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
