My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
