you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
