Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
