You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
