I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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