So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
