fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
