so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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