we have officially lost it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
