Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
