I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
