when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
this is an emotional support booty call
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
