We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
