i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
