bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
