I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
