What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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