where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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