I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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