If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
