how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
