Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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