I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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