I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
