saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
