Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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