Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
