ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
