Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
