I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
