first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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