she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
