At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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