It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
