i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never underestimate the power of titties
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
