I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
